He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
