If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize