if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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