hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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