your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
