I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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