I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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