Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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