standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
