just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
