Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
