you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
