while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
