cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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