Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
