I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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