you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
