would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
