um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
