I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
drinking out of a sandbucket again
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Randomize
