....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
