How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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