how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
