do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
