..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
