people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
