I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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