Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize