I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Randomize
