just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
