Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
