At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
