he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
