Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
