you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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