Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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