There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
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