the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
