I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize