All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
