This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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