Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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