Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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