i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
