Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
