I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
