I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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