is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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