I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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