He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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