Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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