May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
