Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Your topless pictures make me question reality
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
