All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize
