He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
