Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
You smell like stripper and shame
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
