and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
