dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
