Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
