i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
being pregnant is like rehab
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
