I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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