i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
