oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
